btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
