Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
