I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
