I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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