just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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