When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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