I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
did i walk over a car last night?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
