Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
