roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize