May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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