Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
