ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
