I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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