I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
