When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
