we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
