I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
