: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
