Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
