Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
