remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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