What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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