I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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