Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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