I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
