She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
