That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
