Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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