At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
