..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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