i just made my gag reflex go away.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
