So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
