I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
