Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
