I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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