I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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