You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
