at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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