Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
