Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
