I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
