I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
