I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
