i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
