theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
