Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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