The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize