covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize