White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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