sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
