I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
