i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
