I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im six kinds of drunk right now
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
