She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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