It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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