I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
