Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Randomize
