dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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