woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
