oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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