The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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