The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
