It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ttyl tear gas
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
