Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
