just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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