Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
