new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
