In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
