i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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