She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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