god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
