You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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