Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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