got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
