Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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