You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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