why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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