so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
